Ok but on a serious note, why am I scared if things that I never used to be scared of? When I was 14 I went to go get my madonna pierced without a second thought because I wanted to get it done before my ex best friend to make sure I was the first one in our school. The thought that it might have looked as if I copied her was enough to get me racing to the piercers chair. But now nearly 7 years later and I can barely bring myself to go and get my tregus repierced (it fell out last christmas and I can't get it back through).
Maybe it's because as we get older our priorities change. I just don't care about saving face anymore. My (very brave) house mate has just booked a massive tattoo for wednesday morning and even though the intention was to go together, if I don't go through without it won't bring quite the same amount of shame as I would have felt at 14. You can't back out of stuff when your 14, because you'll never live it down: when you're younger image is everything, and while I'm not going to act like I don't care what people think, I care a lot less.
When you're a little kid you think that the big kids are brave. Big girl's don't cry after all. But sometimes it works in reverse. I am much more scared of pain, and of hangovers and of getting in trouble. I am scared of walking home at night by myself and I'm scared of mouthing off to every and any girl because I think I can. Things have shifted, maybe I scared of trouble because I'm scared to hurt my mum, and maybe I'm scared of hangovers because I have more to loose these days if I don't manage to wake up in the morning. And maybe I'm scared of getting a tattoo because I am no longer scared of looking like a pussy.
But on the flip side ... I'm scared of a lot less. I'm not scared to speak my mind if it's necessary, I'm not scared to wear what I want to wear and I'm not scared of wearing sexy stacked heels and being taller than my friends because I know that those heels make me feel good. I'm not scared of being a geek or of saying no if I don't want to do something. I'm not scared to go places on my own or to make different choices to my friends, because I know that my best friends will still be my best friends whether I listen to a different type of music, or live in a different city.
I think in some ways age makes you more fearful and in some ways less. You learn more and collect more experiences so you begin to realise the things that are worth being afraid of and the things that aren't. After heartbreak you'll be more cautious who you give your heart to. But after petty arguments with people who don't matter you'll be less scared to speak your mind.
I don't think I'm scared of more things just different things, because I'm a different person now and different things are important to me. Probably the biggest difference bewteen me and my teenage self is that these days, when I am scared, I'm not scared to admit it.
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