Will I Ever Be A Wifey?

Will I ever be a wifey?

I've asked my self this question many times over the past few months. Don't worry I'm not a crazy cat loving old lady with bad BO. It's not that I'm scared of not becoming one: I'm scared of my lack of desire to become one. Basically I don't know if I'm the wifey type, or if I even want to be. Not that I'm a hoe (which to boys seems to be the only viable alternative) I just don't really know if I'll ever be that girl that Kano calls 'Nite Nite.'



wifey type?

Sometimes I wonder if I should have been a boy? Even though I'm a massive diva, love to shop and the heels have gotta be at least 4 inches, a lot of my attitudes and values, towards relationships in particular, are quite male. Sometimes I find myself, editing my truest thoughts when relaying stories to females, just so I don't seem like a cold hearted bitch. And it doesn't help that most of my closest friends are ideal wifeys. Even my sister and her best friend (my unofficially adopted sister) know that when they enter the world of dating on a serious level it will be at a wifey status. But I guess it can be bad sometimes: I have a friend who is so sweet and beautiful and loyal that she is instantly labelled wifey by anyone and everyone she meets, (to be fair she will be a wonderful wife and mother one day) but that's not all she is. She's funny and crazy and clever and truth be told, from what I can gather, she's a bit of a freak. But there are a few foolish, foolish boys who don't wana be with her right now because she's 'wifey' and they aren't looking for wifey right now. The thing about (some) boys is that they go out and play the field while wifey waits for them to be ready for her. While wifey is waiting though, there will be no field playing of any sort - because wifeys just don't do that.

Then there's the fact that to some people, being a wifey equals being a mug. And to a certain extent there has to be some 'muggishness' involved. A wifey loves unconditionally and, yes sometimes that means putting up with complete and utter bullshit and still being there. A wifey puts her man before herself, her needs, her wants, before everything. And I think that's partly my problem, not that I can't put a boyfriend before myself but at this point on my life, I don't think I want to put a boyfriend before my family, my friends, my social life, my degree ... you get the point. And that's not a slur on anyone who is ready to do that, that's just not me right now.


Like I said, it's not that I can't be a wifey; my heart is not made of stone, I'm not incapable of love, I have loved and loved hard too. But right now? I just don't feel like it. Simple as that. You may be thinking, this girl is only 21, what is she worrying about anyway? She has plenty of time to be wifey, but realistically, as me and my housemate worked out the other day, when you're young you make a perfect little life plan that goes like this: if the average woman pops out baby number 1 at 28 and lets just say in a ideal situation you've had a couple of years married bliss without a little bundle of joy beforehand and you knew each other for around 3 years before that? Plus inbetween the married bliss and popping the question bit you need a year or so to save for the actual wedding right? Oh and P.S my high flying and incredibly successful career has to fit into all this somewhere. So if my calculations are correct that means that my wifey fear needs to disapear within the next year or so. Yes this is a physco thing to do, but we have all done it!

wifey in practice

But this is not me saying that every girl over the age of 22 needs to go out and find her future hubby immediately, life doesn't work like that this was just my crazy silly little life plan, that at 16 I kind of assumed would just happen. Aa lot has changed in the 5 years since I was 16 and right now I'm not too sure of anything that the next 5 years will bring, other than that a lot more will change. So to wifey or not to wifey? That is the question. I haven't got the answer yet, and I don't need it, because for now I'm happy.

Home for Christmas

Top Ten Reasons Why I am Ecstatic to be Home

1. Warmth - yes for 3 whole weeks I don't have to sit huddled up to house mates in 3 jumpers and a dressing gown because we are too worried about bills to put the heat back on

2. Food - wondering what there is to eat and the answer not being pasta. I am so excited for my diet to consist of more than pasta, cheese and mayonasise.

3. A Table - it will be such a treat, not only to eat nice food, but to eat food off of an actual table

4. The Famo - my mum, dad, bro and sis. especially banter with the bro and sis: my 'lesbian' hair cut and 'shortness' compared to them, his big head and girlie scream, her squinty eyes and small forehead - it's how siblings bond

5. Washing - "Here you go mum I brought you a lovely big bag of dirty clothes for Christmas. Love you."

6. Freebies - "When you go to Sainbury's can you just get me some face wipes, shampoo, conditioner and hair spray, oh and you might as well pick me up some eyelashes and wine while your there - just saying

7. LIFTS - car beats the bus/train any day every day =D

8. The Extended Family - I welcome madness back into my life with fully open arms

happy families

9. Presents - family comes bearing gifts? always a bonus

10. TV - watching Christmas TV on my big lush tele while sat on my big lush leather sofa. Eastenders and Corrie? yes flipping please

And A Few Down Points ...

1. Famo - mum and sis - ok I love you now, lets see how much I love you 1 week, 3 rows and 6 borrowed items of clothing later

2. Rules - ok so not rules as such, but having to actually tell another person that your going out, what time you'll be back and whether you want dinner or not

3. Expensive Nights Out - "but what do you mean it's not free to get in with a student card?" £8 entry, £6 drinks and no student loan until January = an early night

Selfish Much?

Just a brief one today:

Thank you to the selfish bastards who snapped up the entire Lanvin for H&M collection within the first millisecond of release only to sell it on ebay for extortionate amounts. Thank you in particular to whoever took MY yellow dress, you shouldn't have, I couldn't afford it anyway. And yes, I knew it was going to happen, but it doesn't make it hurt any less ok. To all the genuine girls who brought pieces out of sheer love for fashion, enjoy them, you deserve them, just spare a thought for the less fortunate girls this Christmas.

Goodbye yellow dress.

procrastination aka putting shit off

It's that time of year again, sleigh bells are ringing, christmas songs are blaring out all over the radio, and deadlines are coming.

Sitting at my computer, I thought to myself, hmmm I haven't written my blog in a while. But I have a confession to make: even though I love writing my blog, the real reason I am writing this post is to avoid doing uni work. So far I have facebooked for nearly two hours, bbm-ed till my fingers cramped up, watched 2 shit TV programmes and 1 good programme (yes the good one was Eastenders) and put some washing on. I am seriously considering cleaning my room; had there been a party on tonight, or even a magazine lying around that I hadn't already read, the thought would not have crossed my mind. But that's what deadlines do to you, EVERYTHING except your work becomes interesting.

My usual approach to work is to spend the first 2 months of the term partying and then the last month panicking. (Kind of convenient though that deadline time coincides with loans running out so noone can go out much anyway.) Me and Tam (anyone who knows her will get my drift) have this conversation about once a week:

Tam: ok lets get together and do work
Sian: omg ok we have so much to do
Tam: yeah i know, don't talk about it cuz i feel sick
Sian: omg me too now
*tears, tantrums and warnings of 'I'm gunna be sick'*
(this usually takes a good 2/3 hours)
Sian: I'm hungary
Tam: Sian! We haven't got time to eat
*they eat*
*facebook*
Sian: Oh shit we haven't done any work
Tam: Omg I know
Sian: Ok lets do it tomorrow
Tam: Ok we have to do it though
Sian: Ok, we will

I'm assuming you can guess what happens the next day ...

The problem is, we have choosen to be here, doing a degree of specific interest to us, a degree with a pretty hefty price tag attached to it. So why do we spend so much time putting off doing a subject we choose to do? That we potentially want a career in? I can't asnwer that, all I know is that we all do it at some point.

Lets be honest, this post probably hasn't been the most stimulating piece of written work that you have read in your adult life so far, but I bet it's been a whole lot more interesting if you've got work to do ;)

My Christmas Wish List = Lanvin for H&M

"I want Lanvin, not flowers"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdV4xpTiS1s

I wouldn't be able to call myself a respectable fashion student had I failed to acknowledge the immense collaboration that's about to drop in the form of high street hotties H&M and French fashion royalty Lanvin.

The collection, created by Alber Elbaz the artistic director of Lanvin since 2001, is so girlie it's delicious. There's ruffels galore, lots of colour, and a few tactical bows thrown in for good measure. It's just the right side of dramatic. I literally love it: roll on November 23rd is all I can say. Here's a few of my faves ...

p.s how much are we spending for secret santa again ...? ;)

7 boys and a beat.

I decided to take a little time out of my day to rave about the lyrical lushness that is Game Over - Tinchy Stryder featuring Giggs, Professor Green, Tinie Tempah, Devlin, Example, and Chipmunk. When they performed at this years MOBOs (minus Example and Chippy) I literally squealed with excitement each time a new artist jumped on stage. Popular and profitable collaborations are so much better then beef right? Maybe the Americans could learn a thing or two from us. ;)

The simplicity of this song gives it a rawness thats been lacking a little recently. Not to put a downer on the tune because I love it, but where's Kano? Maybe I'll be reposting in a couple of weeks ... 8 boys and a beat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOS5QmNs-34

Introducing: The Chep

My sister never seems to tire of looking back at my old bebo pictures, of me with a 'free face lift style' side ponytail, rara skirt and slouch boots and laughing her little head off. Yeah I was a chav, and what? But thats the way it was: you were either a chav, a prep or an emo right? (If you want to go really old school we can talk about townies and mambos? But errr, lets not.)

Me and my sister were discussing one day about how the whole chav epidemic is pretty much over now and most people just have a decent level of fashion sense. There's a sense of style that we particularly like, but we could never quite sum up. So anyway we got sick of saying "you know one of them girls who wears high tops and a skirt, that just looks kind of chavvy but really aint and has good hair, yeah she looked like that" so we came up with the word 'chep'

offical definition of a chep (from the fashion dictionary of Sian and Eboni Jones)

a chav + a prep

A person who mixes sterotypically 'chavvy' clothing with stereotypically 'preppy clothing'
Someone who has prodominantly urban taste in clothes and music but with a hint of preppyness.

girl example:
chavvy: high tops, thick gold jewellery
preppy: worn with quirky patterned jumper, choppy cropped hair

guy example:
chavvy: polo t-shirt, dappy style hat
preppy: rolled up harem style jeans, boat shoes, geek glasses
(dribble)

History:

The first prominent, modern day (so much chep style is influenced by the 80s but lets keep it simple for now) chep that I can think of is Lily Allen who burst onto our screens in 2006 with 'Smile', rocking a 1950s style prom dress 'chavvy' hoop earrings and high tops. You also have people like Pharrell Williams and Lupe Fiasco who pull off that "Hi I'm a hip hop guy, but I'm not typical" look quite well.

Ultimate:

The ultimate chep female for me right now is Rihanna, she's an r&b singer but with her wild ever changing hair and high fashion choices, she's far from being your typical ghetto fabulous diva.

The ultimate chep boy ... none other than Travie McCoy! He's all tatooed and pierced up like a skater but wait, is that a flat peak and nikeys we spy? Oh yes he's a chep and a damn fine one at that.

To further demonstrate our point, we thought we would create a little fest for your eyes in the form of a 'cheppy' photo shoot. Enjoy ...

Is there such thing as uncomplicated?

Love is complicated. Even the build up to love is complicated, the dating, the texting, the facebook stalking, the 'linking up', the reading between the lines, and the analysing EVERYTHING - by the time you actually fall in love you'll be mentally exhausted.

And even when your not in love, or falling in love it's STILL complicated. Two very simple words: 'just friends'; and yet being 'just friends' can cause some of the most complex kind of heart ache there is. I mean what right do you have to be heartbroken over a friend right? And when you do genuwinely just want to be friends with someone who likes you, will you be labled a head fuck? Are you just leading them on?

To be honest I'm pretty sceptial about the whole 'just friends' thing anyway. My theory is that the only way that boys and girls can truly be friends is if they meet in a completely neutral situation, where they are thrown together through no choice of their own, eg school or work - and even then there are grey areas. But lets be honest, when a guy comes up to you a club, I'm pretty sure that he isn't looking for friendship. Which is why, it's so difficult to justify chatting to guys/girls when your in a relationship. Obviously I'm not saying that every girl/guy who speaks to each other is looking to get it on, but there are some situations when it's pretty obvious whats coming next. So how do you make it clear from the start, that you're not looking to get it on, without looking like an arrogant prick:

Guy: So can I have your number?
Girl: No I'm really sorry, I have a boyfriend (she doesn't)
Guy: Errrm, I just wanted you to hook me up with your hot friend. (he didn't)
Girl: Oh. *long pause* I have to go to the toilet now. (again she doesn't)

And then there's the ones that go like this

Guy: Whats your pin babes?
Girl: Sorry I have a boyfriend and he doesn't like me giving it out
Guy: Don't worry it's just a friendship ting enit
Girl: Oh ok its ********

2 days later on bbm
Guy: You're so buff babes. What you wearing?
Girl: *delete contact*

Tell me this: how the hell are you supposed to know what any member of the opposite sex is thinking - EVER? Wouldn't it be great if we could be just friends with people we don't fancy without them thinking that we're playing hard to get or leading on them on. And wouldn't it be even better if we could be just friends with people we do fancy without falling for them? And wouldn't it just be the absolute best if there was no such thing as 'friends with benefits' - because trust me, communication between boys and girls is complicated enough without throwing that one in the mix.

So I Sold My Soul for 'Pocket Money'

So do you want to hear something funny? I work in retail, have done since I was about 16, and I hate it. The reason I work in retail ... because I'm addicted to it.

I have to work in shops to fund my addiction to them, ironic isn't it? But my new job has taken me to an all time low: lets put it this way - I wear a tracksuit to work, and for a fashion student who pretty much revolves her life around her wardrobe - this has been somewhat hard to deal with. It's such a catch 22; I'm going agaisnt every fashion concious bone in my body, but I have to in order to be fashion concious! It's not really the fact that I have to wear a tracksuit, it's actually kind of comfortable (but don't tell anyone I said that), it's the fact that people SEE me in it. Every time I walk to work, I feel my social status slip a little lower.

In all honesty, if I was careful with my money I could live off my student loan, but at the end of the day H&M makes me happy and so will my summer holiday next year. My mum always says to me, "Sian, you don't live like a student, you shouldn't be shopping every week and getting your nails done and what not." But what is living like a student? Eating tins of beans whilst wearing 7 layers 'cause you can't afford to put the heating on? Ok, so sometimes this does happen when the money is wearing thin, but when it isn't, I intend to enjoy it. I'm not talking 5 star holidays and Jimmy Choos but I refuse to go three years without the occasional ... treat, shall we say. I put on that hideous uniform and let my brain go numb with bordem for about 16 hours (I would say I smile while I do it, but I really don't) so when pay day rolls around, I'm going to enjoy the benefits as irresponsibly as I like. I think the moral of the blog is: it just depends how hard your willing to work for things that you want. I want new clothes and trip to Ibiza more than I want fresh air, so I do things that I don't want to do, in order to do things that I do want to do. It's a lesson you get taught when your knee high but i guess it just gets more real and more raw when you get older.

And when I have kids, I will teach them the same lesson, no matter how rich me and Johnny Deep are, I will make them have a shitty job with an ugly uniform - just to make absolutely sure that when nice things come their way, they appreciate it.

Will It All Be Worth It?

I have been fairly negligent of my blog these past few weeks, mainly due to the excitement/stress of starting my 2nd year of university. Enjoying freshers week all over again, and trying to settle into the new house, which has been challenging at times (we tried to put a T.V bracket on our wall and it literally crumbled away, this was a few days after the break in - but that's another blog).

I have been eager to come back to uni since about 2.5 days into the summer holidays, but as I look ahead not only to my second year but to life beyond studying it begs the question: is it all going to be worth it? Every time I open a newspaper, there's another article ranting about rising fees (thanks for your proposal Lord Browne), and lack of jobs available, condemning graduates to years of debt and unemployment, which doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. Although I'm realistic enough to know that I probably won't stroll out of my lecture hall and into the vogue editors office, I'm really hoping that the world of work isn't as bleak as those who are already in it, make it out to be.

With the average student graduating with debt in excess of 20,000, you'd be forgiven for thinking that people are put off going to uni, but it seems that the British like debt and binge drinking more than I thought because between 1999 - 2009, the number of students has risen by 44%. But this in itself creates problems: degrees are like designer bags, the more people that have one, the less valuable they become. The reality is that so many people graduate these days, that an employer is no longer impressed by a degree. Hence where work experience comes in - a degree means next to nothing without it - but even unpaid work making tea and sorting post can be hard to come by.

One of the main reasons that I am able to laugh at my abysmal financial situation and my dull, unfulfilling and underpaid part time job is this assumption I have, that it won't always be like this. And despite all the negative press surrounding graduate job prospects, it's an assumption I am going to hold on to until I am proved otherwise. So here's hoping that the big bad world of work isn't as bad as they say, and that I graduate with more than a mountain of debt and a 3 year hangover.

quarter life crisis

It may come as a surprise to thoes of you that know me, but I've been feeling fairly deep as of late and after reading an annoymous blog, I was inspired to share my own feelings.
The first time I thought of the term 'quarter life crisis' was when I turned twenty. I freaked out. I was acting like some crazed menopausal forty something and the truth is I felt old. I'm sure any forty something that may happen to stumble across this will be digusted/horrified/annoyed but I'm just being honest. When I am having my more sensible moments I realise that I am not old and that I still have the majority of my life left to live, but sometimes I do kind of think, "Shit, where'd the time go?"

At the beginning of the summer, something big happened in my life, that confirmed for me, that I was indeed, having a quarter life crisis. After speaking to several of my girlfriends, I realised that the majority of them were feeling the same, just of varying degrees. It's everything from outgrowing your childhood sweetheart to realising that you did completely the wrong college course; some people are as extreme as "Who am I?" and "What the fuck am I doing with my life?"

As much as we moan about it while we're there, school seems so easy looking back: you wake up, throw on a uniform, then get to hang out with your friends all day. Do a few hours of homework (or not in some cases) then hang out with your friends some more. Even after school, it still seemed fairly simple: stay in education, or get a job. But then a few years down the line you either realise that you're in a dead end job or that you have fuck all idea what you're going to do now that the education bit is done.

I haven't had a "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" moment yet. In fact I feel pretty secure in what I want to do for the next 5, maybe even 10 years. But there's this massive part of me that can't help looking back on school days with a sense of nostalgia and wishing I could have just one more go. Not even the whole of school, maybe just like year 10 and 11. It doesn't help that I've got a beautiful and popular sister who has just gone into year 10 as a constant reminder of what I'm missing. What really brought it home to me today, was sitting in a travel agent, struggling to think of just 10 people from school that I would genuinely like to go on holiday with; now rewind back 4 or 5 years and I could have given you at least 20 without pausing for breathe. Another thing that depressed me was reading a message in my year book from one of my best males friends saying "I will never forget you nor will I let you forget me." My, how times change eh?

Thing is, I do love my life, I'm exactly where I want to be, with exactly who I want to be with. Maybe the problem is that I need closure on my teenage years. It all happened so fast and all of a sudden I was 'grown up' before I even realised that I was growing up. I think it's the realisation, that no we may not be old, far from it, but the fact of the matter is, we are not children anymore and I for one find that scary as shit. I will probably look back on this in another twenty years time and laugh at my silly, naive, twenty year old self for being so melodramatic, but right now this is real for me and this is how I feel, and I know I'm not the only one.

The big ♥leopard print♥ comeback

comeback [ˈkʌmˌbæk]


n Informal

1. a return to a former position, status, etc.
2. a return or response, esp recriminatory
3. a quick reply; retort

vb come back (intr, adverb)

1. to return
2. to become fashionable again
3. to reply after a period of consideration I'll come back to you on that next week
4. US and Canadian to argue back; retort
5. come back to (someone) (of something forgotten) to return to (someone's) memory

Today, I would like to write about the big leopard print 'comeback'. For me though, the trend never really went anywhere. I will readily accept that I'm slightly fanatical about leopard print - at one point I had 4 pairs heels, 2 pairs of flats and a pair of uggs in the same print, and don't even get my started on my actual clothes, (I think it stems from childhood: Spice Girls came out, Scary Spice was my favourite, and the rest is history). But, my personal obsession aside, it's never exactly been undesirable has it?

 A comeback, for me, would imply that the print at one point became laughable and lost, seemingly forever in fashion obscurity - which it did not. Now if bumbags start making an appearance again, THAT would be a comeback. However I will accept that it's having it's moment again - 'returning to former position/status' - and I for one am very excited. I plan to go all out. You will see my leopard print clashed with different coloured leopard print, with other prints and in just about any texture or fabric I can get my hands on.

Pictured below are Kim Kardashion and Rhianna looking fiercly fashion forward. Rhi Rhi clashing her different coloured prints beautifully, then finishing with statement red lips (this dress needs to find it's way into my life). Then Kim who deserves a high five for jumping on both the velvet and leopard print trends in the form of a hot pink dress, without looking tacky or granified.

my brand spanking shiny new blog

In all honesty this blog is way, way overdue. And although writing my first post in the early hours of the morning, slightly delerious with tiredness - having been at my house mates 21st birthday party last night -may not be the most productive idea, I fear that if I don't just get on and write SOMETHING, then my blog may never actually get off the ground.

I've had lots of ideas buzzing around my head for a while now and I'm so excited to actually start expressing them! My blog will be primarily about fashion but also about all other aspects of my life.

It will go a little something like this:
fashion, fashion, fashion,
men, mates, music,
partying, periods, politics
angry rants, granny pants,
midnight snacks, sale racks
debt, money trouble and being skint
then probably a little bit more about men (come on there's always something to moan about)

I hope my blog will be serious, silly and stylish, but most of all entertaining.

Facebook, eat your heart out - I've got a new addiction ;)