Creativity blocked by Technicalities

I love to write. I write this blog, regardless of whether anyone reads it or not because it makes me happy, it's a release of my thoughts and opinions and when I click publish post at the bottom of the page, I feel a sense of achievement. But as for a career in writing ... the love of it doesn't seem to be enough anymore. With out portfolios, references, contacts, your CV won't get a second glance. Passion doesn't count for much in the journalism industry - not for beginners anyway. To get my degree I have to write in a range of different styles about a variety of topics, that to be quite honest I don't really care about. And when the emotions are absent, the high marks inevitably disapear as well.

Maybe I'm too selfish to be a 'real' writer. I don't want to analyse my target publication, and conform to a house style to fit in with the relevant demographics of the readership. I don't like checking for errors; I fail to fire up anything other than annoyance about grammar or spelling. And I despise evaluating my own work (obviously if I write something, I will write it in the best way that I feel I can, so what more is there to say?) I just want to write a story/ article/ review the way that feels right as the words come to me.

I'm not naive enough to think that the technical or analytical side of writing isn't important but for me it sometimes kills the passion that my piece could have had ...

For example, I sat down at my desk this afternoon, to write a 400 word review on a book/film/album. Truthly, if I could write exactly how I wanted, 400 words wouldn't begin to cover all the thoughts bouncing around in my head. So I started, but then I stopped abruptly: I hit a wall of restrictions that come with writing for other people. Is this suitable for the publication? How will it affect their readership and tie in to current affairs? Is my puncuation sophisticated enough? And just like that the fun is gone. If I could submit a blog about any topic that grabbed my attention every week, then I am confident that I would never again hand in a piece of work late or under the word count, hoping that the lecturer won't notice. But I can't. Maybe one day, when I have proved myself as an adequate writer, the restrictions will lessen. I guess it's the same with any anything artistic: you have to gain the recognition before you have the freedom to be totally creative.

After all, who am I? A girl who likes to write. That doesn't cut it in the real world. Millions of girls and boys like to write, and probably write a lot better than me. I can't just put 'likes writing' on my CV, I need the degree and the work experience to back it up, to make people take notice. Hopfully one day, when I've gained enough credibility and qualifications, I will sit contentedly at my big beautiful desk, and the words will flow - without the worry of whether or not they are meeting marking criteria.